So what’s my story anyway? Well, I am a mom of 5 crazy kidos, ages ranging from 15 down to 3, which means I regularly experience teen drama, toddler trauma and every age-related attitude inbetween. Potty training, sibling rivalry, school stuff, running through the house screaming at the top of their lungs…FUN TIMES! Actually, they are fun times, but that is something that I just recently started to truly embrace.
I was divorced with 2 kids by the age of 28. During my time as a single, working mom, I came to know Jesus as my personal Savior and was remarried to a man that I met at church just 3 years later. We got pregnant right away and I went from being a HS Math teacher to a stay-at-home-mom. Though this was something I thought I had wanted, it soon left me feeling restless and discontent. So I began doing what I always did, looking for new adventures to keep me excited and make me happy. Much to my surprise, Joel did not support this, nor did he stay silent and just let me do my own thing…
Who does this husband think he is dealing with?! I’m not one of those woman who just “does what she is told” and I was going to make sure he knew that much. Not surprisingly, our marriage starting having lots of trouble. Sometimes we fought openly, sometimes we just stewed siliently (Anyone else ever go a week without speaking to your spouse?!) There was bad attitude and wrongful behavior on both sides. It wasn’t like that ALL the time, but it seemed to be more often than not and I just didn’t GET it…why was my 2nd marriage so hard?! I thought I had married the Right Guy this time around.
Fast foward 8 years later, which included moving halfway across the county, a new business for my husband, 2 more kids, church ministry, kids’ school stuff, a direct sales buiness for me and LOTS of stress…I felt tired, devalued, push aside, unappreciated and was seeking validation for who I was as a woman in all the wrong places.
But then God pulled back the veil I had been living behind and began to expose my heart, my idols, & my pride. He asked me “Who are you living for?” And I began to SEE, for the first time in a long time, what I was missing…my relationship with Him. BUT…what if my marriage never “gets better?” What if parenting 5 kids never gets easier? What if my DS business never makes enough money to pay off debt? Can I really be a better woman even if my life doesn’t change?
While I am still very much a work in progress, bound to screw up being a mom, wife, friend, daughter, leader and co-worker, I have a new perspective…
Let me be totally transparent here, this was NOT an easy perspective to gain! I fought God HARD. I wanted Him to make me happy on my terms, but the Bible tells us that our God is a jealous God and He will not allow us to chase after the idols of our hearts. (Read more about how that happened specifically for me here.) I am so thankful for that!
LAUGH at the confusion,
HOPE through the tears,
THRIVE as a woman of God.
Thank you for the privledge of sharing all that with you! I would be honored to walk next to you as you do the same.
Learn more about my journey in Recovering ANGRY MOM – Losing My Mind One Kid at a Time